When Personal Growth Gets Lost in Productivity
I didn’t realize something was missing until I was sitting across from a friend at lunch.
We weren’t doing anything profound. Just catching up, sharing updates, laughing about life. At some point she asked me a simple question: *“What are you working toward for yourself this year?”* Not professionally. Not financially. Just… me.
I paused longer than I expected to.
I could easily name my career goals. The certifications I was pursuing. The projects I wanted to launch. I could talk numbers, timelines, and outcomes without hesitation. But when it came to my personal development—how I wanted to grow emotionally, relationally, spiritually, or even joyfully—I came up blank.
That lunch was a quiet mirror. I realized that somewhere along the way, my personal goals had fallen to the wayside. Not because they didn’t matter, but because they weren’t urgent. And like many people who are high-functioning, purpose-driven, and used to carrying responsibility, I had unintentionally taught myself that tending to *me* could wait.
Personal goals are often the first to be sacrificed in the name of productivity. They don’t come with deadlines imposed by others. No one is checking in to see if you’re becoming more emotionally regulated, more connected to your body, more present in your relationships, or more aligned with your values.
And yet, personal goals are the foundation everything else stands on.
Without them, growth becomes lopsided. We advance externally while feeling internally stagnant. We succeed while quietly disconnecting from ourselves. Over time, this disconnect can show up as burnout, resentment, numbness, or a vague sense that life is happening around us instead of within us.
From a therapeutic lens, personal goals are acts of attunement. They are a way of saying, “I’m paying attention to what I need, not just what is required of me.”
Personal goals don’t have to be grand or aesthetic to be meaningful. Often, the most impactful ones are subtle and deeply human. Some examples include:
Learning how to rest without guilt
Practicing emotional honesty in close relationships
Developing healthier boundaries with work or family
Becoming more consistent with therapy, journaling, or reflection
Reconnecting with creativity, play, or pleasure
Improving how you respond to stress rather than how you avoid it
Strengthening your relationship with your body through movement, nourishment, or rest
Allowing yourself to receive support instead of always being the strong one
These goals don’t show up on a resume, but they shape how you show up everywhere else.
Many of us were never taught how to prioritize internal growth. Especially for those who were praised for achievement, resilience, or caretaking, personal development can feel indulgent or unnecessary.
There’s also a belief—often unspoken—that once things slow down, then we’ll focus on ourselves. But life rarely offers a clean pause. Without intention, personal goals keep getting postponed.
That lunch reminded me that neglect doesn’t always look like avoidance. Sometimes it looks like being very busy doing “important” things.
One of the reasons personal goals get lost is because we only visit them at the beginning of the year, if at all. Instead of treating them like resolutions, it can be more supportive to treat them like ongoing conversations with yourself.
Here are a few strategies for checking in throughout the year:
Seasonal Check-Ins
At the start of each season, ask yourself:
* What feels heavy right now?
* What feels nourishing?
* What does this version of me need more or less of?
Personal goals may shift with the season—and that’s not failure, that’s responsiveness.
Monthly Self-Reflection
Once a month, take 15 minutes to reflect:
How am I actually feeling?
Where am I overextending myself?
What am I avoiding tending to internally?
This can be done through journaling, a quiet walk, or even a voice note to yourself.
Sometimes we need other people to help us hear ourselves. Intentionally checking in with a trusted friend, therapist, or partner can serve as a mirror—much like that lunch did for me.
Your body often knows when a personal goal is being ignored. Pay attention to signs of chronic tension, fatigue, irritability, or disconnection. These aren’t failures—they’re messages.
Since that lunch, I’ve started approaching goals differently. Not asking only, “What do I want to accomplish?” but also, “Who do I want to be while accomplishing it?”
Personal goals don’t need to compete with career or financial goals. They support them. They make the journey more sustainable, more grounded, and more honest.
If you haven’t set personal goals lately, it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. It may simply mean you’ve been surviving, succeeding, or serving.
Let this be an invitation—not a correction—to check in with yourself. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation, a pause, or a lunch with a friend to realize it’s time to come back home to your own growth.
